Quotes

“If you stay inside all day you turn green and not beautiful.”

“My Mom is bigger than my dad.”
“You mean taller?”
“No bigger. She’s 39 and he’s 38.”

Student: "My mom said if I'm good she's going to give me a baby."
Me: "What?"
Student: "A real one. From her belly. I've been wanting one since I was three."

"You can't put your middle finger up unless it goes with those other ones."

As one girl entered my classroom she declared: "Yesterday the dentist gave me something on my face that made me feel like tinkerbell. Then I got to watch tinkerbell! They also put glitter on my face- just like tinkerbell!"
What dentist carries glitter? I would really like to know.

Kid 1:"What's the baby's name going to be?"
M.S.:"It starts with 'L.'"
Kid 2:"Liam?"
M.S.:"No, but good guess."
Kid 3:"Leo?"
M.S.: "No."
Kid 4: "Ellen?"

Student A: "Only girls like sparkles."
Ms. S.: "That's not true. Josh likes sparkles." (I always use him in situations like these.)
Silence and awe.
Student B: "That's because he loves girls. And he loves you. Right?"

Ms. S.: "My nephew may be born this week; I'm going to be an aunt!"
Student A: "You get to walk in the mud then."
Student B: "No she means an auuuunt. Like someone who takes care of you in your family. Not a creature."

Student A: "Ms. Schadt, why do our parents have to go to work and why do we have to work hard at school?"
Student B: "Our parents work to make money."
MS: "And you go to school to learn and one day go to college and read books for fun and have conversations with friends..."
Student A: "I don't want want to do any of that. I just want to color."

At the opening of our Martin Luther King, Jr. assembly, our guest speaker asked the kids "Does anyone know the famous man we are honoring?" One student replied, "Michael Jackson." Oh, they have so much to learn...

Student A: "When Santa comes I'm going to dress up like a witch and scare him."
Student B: "I'm going to pretend to be asleep and then grab his leg and drag him to his sleigh and grab my present."
Worried Teacher: "Aren't you afraid you'll be on the naughty list?"
Student B: "It won't matter because I'm going to grab my present from him."

Ms. S: "Can anyone think of another example where we use ordinal numbers?"
Student: "Playing drinking games."

‎5 year old: "I'm making a birthday card for myself."
me: "When is your birthday?"
5 year old: "July the fifth."

"Ms. Schadt, I know my colors! Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violent."
I learned a new color today.

"Ms. Schadt, your socks and shoes make you look like a mom."
Thanks guys...

Dental Hygiene Wisdom from a Five-Year-Old:
"When you go to the doctor they look for sugar bugs. You know, like on lady fingers. Toothpaste is poison for sugar bugs."

My favorite part is that the student declared this in the middle of math with absolutely no prompting. There you have it, brush your teeth.

Two students were reading a very scientific book about spiders and came to my desk:
Students: "Ms. Schadt, what is that on the back of the black widow?"
L: "A male black widow. They're brown, remember?"
S: "Oh yeah. Is it dead?"
L: "No."
S: "What are they doing?"
L: "Playing..."

During the middle of a story I was reading about a bug safari:
Student A: "Ms. Schadt, did you know that if you're an adult and you're alone you can call 9-9-1?"
Student B: "You mean 9-1-1!!!"
Student A: "That's what I said, 9-9-1! Like if there's a fire. But only if you're an adult."

"Ants have poison in their butts. When birds want to eat delicious
ants and go toward the ant territory, ants shoot poison from their butts. What
happens to the birds is some ants shoot red poison and some shoot blue poison.
When the queen ant shoots poison, the bird dies. It’s really fast like a
bullet. A bullet is really fast."